just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
