i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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