she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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