I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
