Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
