Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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