well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
should my penis look like a turkey
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
