so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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