you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
