she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
