fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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