I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
