no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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