piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
