yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Did I show you my penis last night?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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