I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
