well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
