Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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