xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
