Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
