i always forget guys have bellybuttons
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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