new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
