Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
