Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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