Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
