Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
