YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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