Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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