either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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