I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
