i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
high people should be assigned attendants
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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