Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
