When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
