i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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