I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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