the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
