you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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