pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
