your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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