I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
