discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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