Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
