I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
