I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
