He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
