I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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