dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
