i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
