we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
