i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
