My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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