I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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