Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
