Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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