You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
