I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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