he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
