Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
