My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
